Flat Sold And I have Moved…

 It has been too long.  But a lot has happened since I last wrote.   The time line goes sort of something like this…

  • summer 2016 – refurbish flat,
  • October 2016 – flat goes on market,
  • between October and February 107, – we knock a few grand of the price,
  • end of February 2017 – flat is sold STC.  Yay!!!

After the flat was taken off the market, I thought, it’s a first time buyer taking my flat, I am not buying another property (dont want to be tied into anything right now), so really it should all be sorted by end of April max.  Wrong!

I wish I could tell you what took so long, I prefer to blame my solicitor (infrequent updates, appearing to leave things to the last minute, paying everyone else before he paid me, grrrrr…).  He prefers to blame the buyer’s solicitor.   Did I also mention that after all the searches I only had two weeks notice to move.my.entire.life?!

Two weeks to change addresses, cut all the bills, figure out where to live, what am I going to do about the upcoming surgery in August etc etc etc.

I don’t know how it all worked out but it did but for the grace of God.

I had to tell my boss I was moving to the outskirts of London so could only work 4 days from home and come in once a week.  He agreed.  It was either he agreed or I…

Nine days before moving I got all my stuff out of storage and moved most of it to my new digs.   My new digs is staying with the Young Lawyer in her her house.

And then the last week leading to the big move out was spent sleeping on a blow up bed/air mattress in my living room, surrounded by the last remaining few boxes, and lots of rubbish and recycling to get rid off.  I noticed I was getting more sleep as well – probably shattered from the lack of sleep in the weeks leading up to.

It was weird because everyday was a count down e.g. Tuesday is not just Tuesday anymore.  Tuesday is now 3 days until I move out followed by a list of things to tick off the to-do list.

I had the Thursday and Friday off work and finally on Friday afternoon, I said good bye to my flat after 8 years, 6 months and 13 days.  Was I sad? Any regret?

Nope.  Not one iota.  It was difficult to leave the house, I kept double checking everything.  Have I switched everything off, did I leave anything behind etc but aside from that no regrets, no looking back.

I said goodbye to a couple of people and then drove to my new abode in London.

At 30 something years, my life has changed again.   But, this working from home is certainly the good life.

My Flat Is Sold…STC

flat-sold-stc Yes, you read that right.  Flat (as of almost two weeks ago) is SOLD…STC (subject to contract).  Whatever.  I choose to believe it is sold.  If I had my way, it would have been sold in December but alas, all things work together and all that.  It sold on the lower side of my asking price but, I’ve lived in the flat long enough that it sold for £100k more than I bought it for.  Not bad at all.

I just want the actual sale process to go quickly now so that I can hand in my notice at work, get rid of all the stuff I dont want and travel!  Somewhere in between all of that, I also need to have surgery to get rid of this lump/benign tumour on my jaw.  But, plan for the next couple of months is to tie up the loose ends, then move to Ghana for about 6 months, possibly longer, to stay with Privileged Princess.  She’s got a massive house out there and I will need somewhere to stay where I wont have to pay any rent.  What’s the plan when i get there?  Hmmmm, pray a lot, write a lot, explore the country, volunteer/work/start a business and of course look after my general well being.

When I had all that time off in December and was in London and New York, I just felt a release and freedom like never before and.i.can’t.wait!

I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

How Was January For You…?

how-was-your-januarySo, tomorrow is the last day of January.   How has the first month of 2017 been for you?  For me, the first half was pretty much awful and I had a tooth removed, urgh!

But then there were bright moments – my birthday and celebrating it with wonderful friends, the sibling and Kenzie. For the first time ever, I had zero plans for my birthday, just wanted the day to pass quietly.  But the sibling and Kenzie had other plans.  They invited friends around, Kenzie made a delicious dinner and birthday cake for me.   Amazing gifts from the Young Lawyer and just a good time.  I could not have planned anything better had I tried.

Flat is still not sold but we did get an offer in – we wanted a bit more, they wanted to pay less and alas it did not quite work out but…I know the flat is going to be sold soon.

Another January development, I’ve decided to have surgery on the lump on my neck.  It has been two years now of extreme embarrassment, constantly wondering if everyone is staring at it, strategic poses for photos so the lump is hidden, and the awkward question of “what’s that on your neck“.   I went to see the doctor and when I showed her the lump she was all “wow“.  Gee thanks doc, makes me feel better.  Anyway, hoping to have the surgery soon.

Image result for australian open 2017 serena, federer

To round off the month there was the amazing tennis.  Venus, Serena, Federer, Nadal.  A bible scripture comes to mind “the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong…“.

Here’s to February.

The Pain Was Real…

the-pain-was-real It’s just over a week since I have been back from NY and it might as well be a year.   Barely feels like I have been away and it has been a struggle trying to get back into normal routine.  During my last two days in NY, I found myself wondering why I was coming back to England.  There’s nothing really keeping me here, sibling is married and moved on, my job is well…not enough to keep me here and I am selling the house.  Ah!  So I have to come back to see that through.  And as long as I have a house, I have bills to pay which means I need a job.  The thought process doesn’t make me feel better or help me sleep properly but, it lends some purpose and perspective.

Anyway, those were just minor points in the struggle is real bit of the blog title.  The pain is real bit was (and sometimes is) a little more complex.

If you have missed it, the Young Man is now a married man.   How did I find out, a friend saw the wedding pic on Facebook, said friend told the sibling who in-turn text me asking “The Young Man is married????”.  As you can gather, seeing as we all received the news from Facebook, he told nobody that he was friends with whilst in England.  Not me.  Not even our Pastors.  Not a single soul.

Of course I was shocked when I first found out – you know I would be lying if I claimed otherwise.   But at the time, it was the holiday season, I was in London for a bit with the bridesmaids (The Young Lawyer & Privileged Princess), and then New York so there were a lot of distractions.  I was aware of it, me and the bridesmaids discussed it but I was never alone to fully process.

Anyway, on the flight back it all started to hit me.  I kept thinking about this time last year.  How often he would be texting me, the constant communication, stuff he said, stuff he shared, how he felt, his plans…

I guess it was all a lie.

And then imagining him doing stuff with his wife that he said he would/wanted to do with me would sometimes haunt me for a couple of days, then I would be normal again.  Then I would imagine seeing him with a wedding ring on, does he talk to her like he used to talk to me, does he tell her the same stuff?  All the stuff he told me about one day being a president, me being the First Lady, will that happen now?  Then I would think what it would be like if he came back to visit with his wife…and here I am still unmarried.  Awful, awful, awful.

The haunting thoughts aside, I would flashback to stuff he said to me – does he or did he say those same things to her?  When did he have time to talk to her, court her, engage her and marry her whilst talking to me for at least the first half of 2016?

Then I would wonder how he could not say anything?  Why would you treat me this way?  I careless about the fact that things didn’t work out, that happens.  I am just puzzled as to how you could spend most of 2016 talking to me, pursuing me, I suddenly stop talking to you and you’re married before the end of the year.  Sometimes I wonder if I imagined it all or read too much into it but then I would come across his texts, or remember something, or read something I had written about him and I know it really happened.  I know what he said.

Then I wonder how he could be like this and still be a Christian?  Where is his conscience?  How come he gets to behave this way and it still ends up ok for him?

All of this mixed in with thoughts of this time last year he did this, said this, text that…

The onslaught of these thoughts since I got back has been more than I am willing to deal with.  I can barely focus at work for any significant length of time, I was barely sleeping – although some of that could be jet lag related.  I tend to come home shattered so fall asleep at some point after dinner between 8 and 11.  Faff about until about past midnight, then fall asleep again for a couple of hours until I get up for work.  Last Monday night I slept for a couple of hours post work, woke up at midnight and basically could not sleep at all until it was time to get up.  Why am I the one suffering?   It’s the coming home to silence and no distractions that makes it worse.   To quell the thoughts, I pray, watch YouTube a lot and basically do anything to cause a distraction.

None of it makes sense.  No I do not wish he married me but I do not understand how he could not say anything.  I also dont understand why I feel as if I am picking up the pieces when I did nothing wrong?  Where’s the justice?  How is it fair that I have to go through this?  I.did.not.nor.did.i.ever.ask.for.this!!!!!!

Fortunately, all the above was a couple of weeks ago and the shock wore off long ago and the pain has passed.  My pastors have been amazing talking it over with me, supporting me – nice to know it wasn’t just me that was seemingly fooled.  Praying has helped and normal life continues.

I’ve figured I never knew him.

I hope I never see him ever again.

2016, A Challenging Year…Part 2

July 2016

Our 100 days of prayers (as a church) comes to an end and with that I randomly get what feels like the norovirus.  I was fine one day and the next day, a very upset stomach, vomiting and unable to eat anything – just craving icy water and crackers.   Think I had a temperature too.  It knocks me out for a couple of days and even when I recover, I feel weak for at least a week and can barely eat – just sleep.  It been July, there was of course Wimbledon and Serena finally getting to 22 grand slams.  Nothing else of interest.  The Young Man still texts, and I sometimes respond with vague one word answers. Sometimes when I don’t respond I get a “it seems I have offended you and I want to apologise” text,  You don’t say!

August 2016

Olympics is all I can remember for this month and it was nice not having to deal with the awful NBC coverage.  I read some of the comments on twitter about NBC’s broadcast and laughed!  $ years later and they still haven’t changed.  Been there, done that, (hopefully) never again.  We start renovating the flat and it looks like a building site and smells of paint.  We put a lot of our stuff in storage as well so the flat is quite empty.  Wedding planning is at full speed, and there are loads of ‘what to wear’ discussions.  We start the family visits as well to introduce Kenzie to the rest of the family.  I am always the third wheel.

September 2016

Wedding planning and family visits continue.  Progress is been made with the flat renovations and we lay down plush new carpets. I experiment with various hair styles and make up to see what I want for the actual wedding day.  I find out from a mutual friend that Wentworth is getting married in November.  This unsettles me a little but I am ok about it.  The Young Man texts me and I ignore it.  He texts again asking how I am, how’s life, why haven’t i responded, he’s sincerely sorry… blah blah blah.  My response is terse and curt – along the lines of because you text I am supposed to do what….what do you deserve…etc etc.  He texts ‘LOL’.  I don’t respond.  Life continues a haze of disappointments, melancholy and loneliness.  It all feels so painful and upsetting.  Feels like everyone is moving on but me.  Everything that involves me seems to end with me suffering the consequences.  As usual.

October 2016

Kenzie’s bridal shower kick started the month off which was nice. The flat renovations were finally finished and the flat went up for sale.  Family and friends from the states started to arrive and some were staying with me.  Can we say non stop cleaning, cooking, sleeping about 4 hours per night, arguments, tensions and everything in between?   Mixed in with all that were viewings of the flat.  Multiple viewings but no offers.  The wedding day itself was fun but stressful.  Our father was present – he missed all the pre-wedding events so it was nice that though he hasn’t been a dad for ummm pretty much all our lives, he finally turned up on the day.  He didn’t even say hi to me when he saw me.  I had to purposely go up to him and say hi.  Didn’t make any effort to speak to me throughout the day aside from when he asked if he could take a pic of me.  I wonder what I have done to deserve this?  That he doesn’t even speak to me?  On my brother’s wedding day?  It’s upsetting and hashes up feelings of abandonment, been used, unlovable…you get the general point.  There’s extreme tension between mother and I for practically the entire time she is here.  I sort of end up thinking I have a dad who rejects me, a mum who I can’t seem to do anything right by.  The dad issues makes me think about my relationships with men.  Rejections seems to be the general theme.  What is so wrong with me?  It hurts so much my soul aches and my spirit is broken.

November 2016

For the first time ever, the sibling and I are not getting on.  I am not talking ,minor bickering, I mean full on, Rome & Juliet Montague/Capulet type of tensions.  I feel like he got married and just moved on without helping me out with wedding guests etc just a sort of I am married now and making a new life.  Sayonara to everything about my old life.  More rejection.  He obviously feels the opposite.  The situation is so bad that his peace offering attempts just turn into a bitter exchange of words and hurts and it seems like there will be no sibling relationship between us moving forward.  Strange.  Our exchanges are superficial, barely civil and on a necessary basis.  It.is.awful.  I don’t know how to fix it and after a while I stop caring whether it will be fixed.   I feel more alone than ever.  To further jolly things up, The Young Lawyer’s mum died suddenly towards the end of the month.  Awful.com.  Tensions with mother means I am not sure I want to spend xmas in New York.  Tensions with the sibling means I am basically alone.  I spend most of my evenings logging into work to finish up stuff ahead of my upcoming annual leave.  This lump on my neck is still an issue.  I am soooo aware of it and self-conscious about it.  It is so ugly and more and more people are starting to notice it.  I am starting to contemplate surgery.  I just cannot carry on like this.   When people sit behind me or facing me all I think about is that they are staring at the lump on my neck/jaw.

The final lovely end to this month was my employers deciding that they wont pay for the training I need to progress in my field.  “The best we would be willing to do is pay for half of it, but we cannot guarantee you a promotion at the end of it“.  Oh and lastly, I have a failed root canal and the tooth is so badly damaged, I need to have minor surgery to extract the tooth.  Lovely.

December 2016

I continue working hard at work to clear up stuff before I go on leave.  I notice I care less and less though.  They can’t be bothered to invest in me and I am biding my time.  For now, the flat is still on the market and I need the monthly pay cheque.  The funeral for the Young Lawyer’s mum happened.  Tough day – I couldn’t deal when they lowered the coffin into the ground…

Mid way through the month, I started my annual leave.  I decided to spend first week in London with my two bridesmaids to be (The young Lawyer and Privileged Princess) and take it from there.  The day I was leaving for London, the sibling came round to the flat and we had a shouting match.  Awful shouty, accusatory exchange of words.  Will there ever be peace?  Anyway, I left for London shortly after the toxic argument and I am not sure what happened or what changed but suddenly, there was peace between us.  Genuine peace and we are back to our old relationship.  In the midst of our texting, the sibling suddenly text “The Young Man’s married ????”  I called him back.  “What do you mean“, I asked.  Apparently, there were pictures of him and his wife on Facebook – he got married that same day (a week before Xmas).  I haven’t heard from him since September so no, he did not have the decency to tell me that he was in courtship, let alone getting married.  I wondered if he gave her the same engagement ring he bought to propose to me.  I thought and think so many different things about it all.  I got so many flash backs of him telling me he liked me, pursuing me, telling me he loved me…amongst other things.  And now less than three months after he last text me, he is married!  It’s not that I want him or would have said yes but seriously – not even a ‘sorry things didn’t work out so I’ve moved on’ text?  All that stuff he said and text – were they lies?  And here I was thinking he had some integrity but alas he is worse than a coward.  How or why did I even entertain him past hello?   At least common sense kicked in early enough for me to just ignore him early on in the year but what sort of human being behaves in such a despicable manner?

Truthfully, I am glad I wasn’t home alone when I found out.  The week in London with my bridesmaids (to be) was a welcome distraction.  We did all sorts of girly stuff – hair and nails appointments, the movies, winter wonderland in Hyde Park, endless talking and eating out, and finally getting a last minute ticket to New York.  But still, the Young Man is married, Wentworth is also married (I saw the pictures) and I am still single.  In every sense of the word.   Life feels so unfair but somehow, I am still grateful.

January 2017

My birthday coming up and surgery booked for my tooth extraction.



2016 – A Challenging Year…

Image result for 2016 is almost over Judging by the looks of things, after yet another celebrity death (still reeling from George Michael), I am not the only one that had a rough 2016.  For me, one of the worst years of my life and I say that without the slightest hint of hyperbole.  My memory of this year, pretty much from beginning to end has been feeling abandoned, forgotten about, isolated.  Often on the verge of tears, desperately holding back tears or when it’s too tough to hold back my emotions, crying.  There were a number of disappointments, lost hopes, unexplained happenings, health challenges and on and on and on.

It wasn’t all doom.  There were some good bits peppered in between the more routine grueling year.  The sibling and I paid of our debts.  The only debt I have now is my mortgage (although I am back in my overdraft – weddings are expensive).  We did improvements to the flat over the summer and it looks nice and is up for sale.  Two family weddings – my cousin got married and the sibling got married.  Those were the main positive highlights from an otherwise bleak year.

But enough of the brief summary.  I’ll do a quick month by month synopsis below.

January 2016

Started the year in New York, returning to England about a week before my birthday.  My birthday was ok, a dinner shindig at my house and the Young Man forgets it’s my birthday.  How do I know?  No happy birthday text!  We were squabbling over something at the time but I cannot remember what right now. When we start talking again, I tell him he missed my birthday and he grovels.  We continue talking.   Disaster at work when my seemingly perfect project turns into shambles.  Not the best start to the year.

February 2016

The month of love.  For everyone else but me it appears.  The sibling’s courtship was announced to the church leaders and we are all looking forward to an upcoming June wedding for a guy in the church.  I am happy for the sibling and the other other church wedding but it is difficult not to compare situations.  The sibling and Kenzie started talking in Oct 2015 and they are in courtship/engaged.  The Young Man and I are still communicating – although fraught.  We seem to be going around the same circle with no progress.  Same circle being – talking and feeling like I am involved with someone but I am not.  It’s this I resent hence the tense exchanges.  I keep my responses shallow and at times confrontational.  This doesn’t put him off and he still texts me.  It’s also his birthday this month and though I remember, I prefer to make him suffer a little. I go for a job interview and after paying 50 something pounds for traveling at peak hours and taking a day off, I receive zero feedback.  Not even a “thanks for coming but no thanks“!!!

March 2016

Awful month for me.  Flew to Chicago along with the sibling and Kenzie for our cousin’s wedding.   Wedding was good but the entire time just highlighted how alone I was.  The sibling isolating himself with Kenzie makes me feel even worse.  I am often on the verge of tears at how hopeless my life is in comparison.  I resent the Young Man – where is he to be helping me through this difficult time.  I am struggling to smile let alone happy face.  One day during prayers with me, the sibling and Kenzie, I start to feel upset and before I know it or can stifle it, my hands cover my face and I cry.  And cry.  I tried everything to stop the tears but I couldn’t.  They both come and hug me.  The whole trip is a constant minute by minute reminder of what I don’t have and how everyone’s life is moving on. I feel hurt, used, inadequate and abandoned.  The Young Man still continues to text me and I loosely respond.  When I get back from the states, cowardgate occurs.  It started when he asked what I would tell my mum about him.   I threw the question back at him “what should I tell her?”  His response – “He is showing interest but lives faraway“.  I.am.furious.  I call him a coward.  It’s cemented there and then it’s a never for me and him and things are never the same again.  I am embarrassed that I even started talking to him, annoyed at all the time I have wasted and sad that my life has not moved forward.  Sometimes on the way to work in the mornings when I think about everything, I get so upset I have to hold back tears.

April 2016

The Young Man still continues to text me.  If I bother to respond, it’s snappy, blunt and confrontational.  Doesn’t seem to bother him. I am amazed he still continues to text me.   Almost as if nothing has happened.  It would be oh so easy to brush it all under the carpet and slip back into the old ways.  But why should I?  Either he presents me with options to consider i.e. i wanna marry you or, we move on.  Right now just feels like he wants to tie me up with no commitment.  I also wonder what my answer would be should he ask the question.  Since the beginning I have not been able to work out what I feel and it’s still no different.  Well, except the hurt I feel.  Again, at times I am walking to work in the morning and whilst thinking over things I feel sad, annoyed, ashamed and like my life is going nowhere.  Our church starts the 100 days of prayers in the evenings and this helps me focus on God and less on my issues…somewhat.

May 2016

The sibling randomly tells me him and Kenzie have set the wedding date for October.  Initially, I am annoyed he did not say anything earlier but ultimately I am happy.  Seems and feels surreal and October seems like ages away.  After I finish congratulating him, I go downstairs and I cry.  I cry and cry and cry.  I think I may have prayed as well but I remember crying a lot.  Deep wrenching sobs.  My heart aches.  Several things pass my mind that make it impossible to stop crying.  The sibling moving on, time wasting with the Young Man, no real marital prospects, just existing…one painful moment after another.  The Young Man asks me to check his thesis for his PhD application…which I do.

June 2016

One of the church brothers got married.  It was all very exciting (and a welcome distraction)planning what to wear, hair, make up etc.  I have been ignoring the Young Man’s texts for a while but on Father’s Day I send him a happy father’s day text (he doesn’t have an kids but its just a thing).  I think the wedding may have softened my resolve and demeanor.  I offer up more than curt terse, one word answers and have a bit of a conversation with him.  I can tell he is surprised and happy by all this.  Again, it feels so easy to continue as before…but I remember I deserve more so I cut it off again as suddenly as it started.    Life continues with work, home, prayers in the evening and not much else.

To be continued...



Greetings from New York…

Image result for hello new york As per the title…I extend greetings from New York.   Upstate New York to be precise.

As per usual, I spend the (Xmas) holidays in New York with family but to be honest, I wasn’t sure I was coming over this year due to family issues, money and other stuff.  But, at the last minute, I lost my peace about staying in England and started searching for and bought a ticket last Tuesday.  I arrived on Saturday (Xmas eve) but Swiss air decided to leave my luggage in Zürich :-(.

So far, my impromptu last minute trip has been good and what I needed.  I am so glad I came and when I update you on my 2016, you will see why.  I remember waking up on Tuesday morning and feeling for the first time in a loongggg time, at peace and entirely grateful to God.

How Is Your Summer Going?

How is your summer going Well firstly, I can actually ask the question because England is *gasp* actually having a summer.  Perhaps I’m over egging a tad…it has been a mishmash of lukewarm days followed by heat waves, followed by cloudy grey days, followed by let’s put the heating on days.  Nevertheless, still better than this time last year so I shall now complain!

Now to answer the question of how’s my summer going.  Reasonably to quite well.  I soooo enjoyed the Olympics! The last time they were on (obviously four years ago) was during my redundancy period and where I enjoyed a week of the (reasonably) unbiased UK coverage of the games before having to deal with hours and hours…and hours of beach volleyball, excessive commercials and limited to watching about 3 different sports where the Americans were winning.  Thanks NBC.  This being because I spent the rest of the summer in the states.  I moaned blogged about it but that was in my goodlifeconfession.com days as opposed to the current dot.wordpress days.

I generally like how us English folk go about enjoying an amazing event like the Olympics.  We don’t believe in shoving swimming and Michael Phelps down your throat but rather giving you the option to peruse what you’re interested in and what you only watch when the Olympics are on ( e.g. synchronised swimming, rhythmic gymnastics, diving etc etc etc) all this whilst enjoying the usual favourites – athletics (track and field to the yanks), tennis, gymnastics, swimming and the list goes on.

Now that’s over it’s all wedding planning for the sibling’s wedding in October and renovations to the flat.

We (‘we’ being me and the sibling) are doing the flat up so that we can sell.  I’m hoping it’s sold before the wedding. Renovations are coming on well and almost finished.  So far we have put most of our stuff in storage, painted every room and ceiling, got rid of loads of old, tired ‘decorations’ and just slowly bringing the flat up to look like it belongs in 2016 and going with that whole minimalist look.  We still need to change the carpets, change the kitchen sink and get cleaners in to scrub the mess.  Thereafter, it’s a case of putting it up on the market.

But Belle where are you going to live when the flat is sold ,I hear you ask.

Who knows?  But I will hopefully get to move out of this small town once and for all.

I’m a city girl.  I need new adventures. 🙂

A Quick Hello…

Just saying Hi As per the title, just stopped to say a quick hello.  It has been a manic few months since I last blogged…weddings, prayers, birthdays, meet-ups, fasting, more prayers, make-up :-), Serena winning Wimbledon – basically, life happening which means my social life improving.  No complaints from me what.so.ever.

The plus side is that I have my evenings back now so I am slowly getting back to my  normal routine pre-April which means more blogging.  You guys know how much I love to write and read your stuff too.

Plus, you would have thought me calling the Young Man a coward was the final death knell…

Nevertheless, it feels good to be back.


I Called Him A Coward…

I called him a coward It has been a while hasn’t it?  I promise there’s a good reason why.  Our church started having daily prayers every.single.day in the evenings back in April.  Since then and until mid July ish, my life is pretty much wake up, work, home, eat, church office for prayers, home, sleep, repeat!  So far it’s been really good because the truth is, the prayers have really helped me!  For the last couple of months I have been feeling so down, emotional and very frequently on the verge of tears (all this is so unlike my usual character) and it’s the consistent prayers that have helped me deal.

But back to the blog title.  Yes, it was the Young Man I called a coward.

When I got back from America, we continued talking it was all very good.  At the end of March (around the Easter holiday), we were whatsapping back and forth and I think we started talking about the sibling and Kenzie and how things were going with them.  The Young Man then asked me what I would say to mum about him.  Good question, I thought.  So I put it back to him, what should I tell her?  I’m thinking to myself we are coming up to a year  since you told me you liked me and we are no further on.  No conviction, no (formal) proposal and no moving forward.  Meanwhile the sibling in less than six months has introduced Kenzie to the family and they are moving forwards.

What would I tell her” I ask him.

There’s someone showing interest, but he lives far way” he texts.

I almost thought he was joking.

The sibling has introduced his much younger wife to be to mum and the family, my cousin just got married after long distance dating and engagement period and you’re telling me the best I can tell my mum is that there is someone showing interest but lives far away?

Thereafter I pretty much laid into him and text “you’re such a coward“.  With zero regret, I might add.  By the way what does ‘showing interest’ even mean? Could he be any more vague?

You just wanted me to say he wants to marry me or wants me to be his wife.  Just because I didn’t write that bit doesn’t mean I am a coward” He text.

By then I could care less about his responses and explanations.  To me, that was the deciding factor that it’s time to close that chapter and move on.

My pastor and I had a chat about the whole thing with the Young Man and I told him about ‘cowardgate’ too.  He says it was harsh but sees why I said it.  Neither of us (my Pastor and I) had received any conviction from God saying that he is my husband and given how he hasn’t actually said the words ‘will you marry me’, then it’s time to move on.  I so concur.  Thus on my whatsapp he has been archived!  Sorry, you can’t have me like that without asking the question.

You would think me calling him a coward and all the other stuff I said would have been enough to kill any sort of emotion or attachment he has to me.  But no, he still continues to message me – it’s as if nothing happened.  I respond generally like I would any acquaintance i.e. ‘hi, I’m cool, hope you are too’ etc.  The MINUTE he texts anything that tries to go back to the way things were – I stop responding and he is archived again.

He had his chance.

On the plus side, the sibling and Kenzie are getting married towards the end of this year!  More on that in future posts.


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